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Working At McDonalds

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I started as a cashier...

At McDonalds.

I firmly believe that all these ungrateful, punk-ass kids nowadays, should all have mandatory shitty-fast-food-restaurant duty.

Not only does it build character, getting yelled at by a fat lady with 8.25 kids, she also came with enough auxiliary storage under her stomach-flaps to store:

...Exactly $12,450.89 in spare change.

...Five McDoubles with: no cheese, no onion, Mac sauce, extra salt, extra pickle, no mustard, a shit-ton ketchup, ranch, dijon mustard and two packets of mayonnaise on the side.

"And that's just for one sandwich, for the second one, I want..."
Hang on lady.

Let me hang myself with this shitty tie, first.

Not only do you get that. But you also get to experience what real life is.

Outside of fucking Maple Story and RuneScape.

And does it suck.

I had a manager, her name was Betty. She was the female-equivalent to your slightly drugged out friend... Who was in a perpetual state, of almo…

Turned Away Because Of Your Outfit

"Oh, well... You can keep being poor, cause I'm not interviewing you."
You might as well tell'em to fuck right on off.

See those rock over there?

Go kick some...

Just cut to the chase, and say what you REALLY wanted to say.

"We don't hire no Mexicans hurrr, we don't like yo kind round herrr."
I'm not poor.

In fact, I probably make over double what this manager bitch makes.

Listen, next time you wanna turn someone down for some bullshit reason.

Learn a thing or two from my company. Make up some shit, any stupid shit will do. So you don't sound fucking retarded.

"Oh, sorry you're not qualified."
"Hey, I'm sorry. But we already got some asshole for the position."
Well manager bitch... Keep on bitching.

The fact that your restaurant has been around for 100 years, does speak for itself.

Yes, asshole PR representative. It really does mean a lot. It means you fuckers cater to racist, pretentious, garbage... Like manager bitch.

And …

The Stripper That Won't Take No

We snuck in some shots...

Those little mini bottles.

They surprisingly, pack quite the punch.

One or two, and I'm feeling good! Three or four? Forget about it.

It's over.

Sitting on my right, is Fairy. To my left... Dumb Ass. Why Dumb Ass?

Well...
We all have THAT friend.
And Dumb Ass, is THAT friend.

The three of us made it rain, last week. Even gave the waitress a Washington Shower.

It was great fun. I remember,

...Not much, actually.

...But I got more love, than my asshole friends.

So I was happy.

This one waitress kept trying to twerk... Aannndddd I see why she is a waitress.

Everyone should show more love for our waitresses... Really. 

They get minimal attention, and the really fun job of cleaning up after everyone's done. And who knows what they do about the backroom... Nasty.

I was there, as usual, just trying to have a good time.

...Being a unrepentant drunk.

...Ogle at tits, with ZERO shame.

I was a bit tired. But that won't stop me.

I saw the same waitress, from …

Is Your Upload Stuck On Instagram?

You just videotaped, yourself...

Doing the #tidepodchallenge, and it is time to upload your masterpiece!

But what's that?

Your viral video got stuck!


You will never be famous!


...There will be no kids/grandma/dog reaction videos.

...No epic-trap mixes.

...And forget being rich and famous.

Your future, as we know it... Is over.

So what should we do, before those Tide pods burst open and kill you?

Don't worry, I have the answer.

I have a Google Pixel 2, a phone worthy of only pimps. Here is what you do to save yourself:

- Find your Settings.

- Hit Storage.

- Go to Files.

- Find your Instagram folder.

- And delete it.

- Then open up Instagram, again.


It should show you a little message, saying it could not upload your masterpiece, because it is missing, or something like that.

And that is it!

The Kavanaugh Effect

Before you continue, this post isn't about putting Kavanaugh on blast.

This is about the bitches.

So hit the back button, if you're a feminist... Or a little bitch.

I'm really hung over from last night's Long Island challenge. So I hate life. And reading the news, makes me hate all you too.

Wholesome ladies, everywhere... They say, they reserve the right to be sluts.

...If I have my titties flopping everywhere, no one can touch them.

...If I dress like a prostitute, no one can stare.

...If I touch you, you can't touch me back.

You put yourself in a situation, and you get mad when the fairy and butterfly result, doesn't happen?

What else did you expect?

When you're a girl, and you surround yourself with a bunch of drunk assholes? What do you think would fucking happen?

Were you under a rock all this time?

There are movies, and shit everywhere. The answer is very obvious. You can even try Googling it.

"What would happen if I: dressed like a whore then go…