Don't Try To Get Laid At A Nightclub

I've mentioned this before, even the King of Instagram said it.

Nightclubs are nothing but a waste of time, money and energy if you are only after wild donkey sex.

Nightclubs are in a way, a lot like strippers. They look good, they look easy and they got their legs open pussy spread.

But, not so fast.

Just like those fucking strippers... it's all a ploy, a game, a hustle by design. Strippers might feel sorry for your ass and toss some pity sex your way. Bitches at the club? That's a big if. You could sell both kidneys buying drinks for hoe and friends and still get laughed at for being a fucking loser.

So what's wrong with nightclubs?


1. The number one thing you will notice after a few rounds of clubbing is that every girl, for some reason, assumes she has become a 10/10.

It's dark, but not that dark. I remember like it was yesterday (it probably was), I was trying to move out of the way for this girl and her friend.

I backed up and said, "after you."

She replied, "no thank you."

She made sure I really got the message by flashing me this sexy, grossed out look then proceeded through the opening I made for her... Dumb bitch. I wouldn't look at you twice outside the club and you bitched me out for being nice. Though, she probably didn't hear me and assumed I was asking for something else.

Still a bitch.

2. Competition, competition.

Need I say more? Plenty of people fishing in that little pond, with only a small number of fish you really want, the rest are throwaways. But everyone is hungry, real hungry. So everyone fights for the bottom feeders, even the weird looking fish with it's eyeballs stuck together.

This competition leads to the situation in number 1. You fuckers are desperate so you fight for even average. So your 2/10 is now a 10/10, except it's all attitude with none of the looks.

3. Who does not go to a club and drink? Losers that's who. Stop losing and start winning. With Hennessy.

Most (probably at all) times, most (all) of us are fucked up by the time the beat drops.

Picking up girls is already a chore when sober. You got to do this, then this and whatever bullshit just to fuck for five seconds.

But imagine trying to check off all those boxes while out of your mind wasted. I can't even brush my teeth that wasted. Your brain knows its go time and turned off everything that's holding you back, but the alcohol has shut down everything else.

4. Not to mention, the girls are fucked up too.

 That, followed by competition, loud music, her jealous chubby friend and probably God; everything and everyone is out to make sure you don't reach the vagina on top of Mount Pussy.

Some, though I'm sure its more like all girls get crazy while drunk and when I say crazy, I'm not talking about a cute little attitude, the kind that makes you go, "LOL that's funny, I can handle a little crazy."

I actually mean the illogical "I wanna pimp slap yo mother fucking face" kind of crazy. The "I'd rather go home and fucking watch porn while I clean these shoes off in the dirtiest way possible," kind of crazy.

Hang around that party scene long enough and you will learn why there are douche bags and assholes in the world. Then see how they were right all along.

5. The club profits from your desperation.

Wanna try to get a girl home? Okay what are our options. Buy her drinks? Pay her door fee? Get VIP'ed? Get a bottle? Buy more drinks.

Who profits from all this? The club.

If it was easy to get what you want without having to buy all the overpriced bullshit, who loses? The club.

Who wants as many hot girls and desperadoes as possible? The club.

6. Clubs are, by design, a very difficult place to establish any form of communication in. 

It is dark, loud, there are flashing lights everywhere and your world is covered in a haze of alcohol. Fucking distractions everywhere!

Your only method of of effective communication is body language.

Are you gonna fist bump and 2-step your way into a vagina? You can, but it is not gonna be an everyday thing. That's for sure.

This leads also leads to situation 1. That bitch...

7. Everyone gets nasty after a while

No, not the good kind of nasty.

After an hour or two of jumping around and grinding on that oxygen what does everyone become? A pool of sweat-cohol, that's what. Check off another thing on the list of qualities that won't get you laid.

So there you have it, the world is out to get you.

What do we do about all this!? Bro there has to be a way! It cannot all be for naught! Noooooooo!

Yes there is, come close.

Young dragon, your only option is to out douche the entire club, be over the top and out shine your competition. Whip out those peacock feathers and grab all the attention. Dress fucking flashy is what I'm saying, stand the fuck straight and walk like you fucking own the place.

Do not drink too much and for the love of nasty-ass ratchets everywhere, do not end up a slobbering mess of puke.

Control yourself on the dance floor, don't work too hard. Keep a slow and steady pace so you can make it to the end. Do not end up drenched in sweat.

Don't give any attention to those bitches and don't move for them either (hmph!), focus on your fun. Be stuck up and have pride, don't join the crowd in drooling over a 5/10. You are better than that.

Then fucking wing it. YOLO!


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