How To Drink A Lot

Life is short, why not die doing something you love. Like getting fucked up.

So I wanna impress the ladies or whatever with how many shots I can drink and not puke my liver out.

How do I impress this lovely person, who keeps trying to get away from me!? 


First, pre-funk your pre-funk with as much food as possible. 

Cheese burgers, chicken fried steak and fries are your allies in this fight to keep the alcohol from carpet bombing your ass.

Basically, you want anything with bread and a gallon-shit-ton of grease.

Eating after a good drinking, keeps your hangover in check.

Chowing down before, keeps you in the game longer.


Second, don't mix your alcohols and keep yourself loaded with (wimpy) mixed drinks. 

Mixed drinks not mix drinks. Clear??

I personally like Jack and Coke, vodka Red-bull, margaritas, and ect. You could drink those all night and still be alright. Even though, as I said, it's not as cool as having Hennessy shots.

The reasoning behind this is simple. You usually get a big-ass glass, filled with coke and one shot of whatever. By the time you finish your drink, which is technically only one shot, your friends would have had two or three If they were taking straight shots.

Personally, I don't follow number two that much. Even though I know I should if I don't want to spend the night cuddling a toilet.



Everyone is a little different, but for me, if I take a shot and feel that "about to puke" reflex. It's time to cool down. Pushing past this point will only end with you waking up in the middle of nowhere or face first in the toilet. Not fun. Especially if it was a public toilet, in the middle of nowhere.

So, you paid attention and gave your liver a little air - good. Now is the time to chug water or them fancy electrolytes. Sweat it out, go twerk somewhere or eat if you are withing biting distance of some food.


Four, you took one shot too many and are two steps from going right over that cliff.

Go to the nearest bathroom and puke it out. 

Should be easy if you are that drunk.


Five, Redbull.

This is your cheat for when you need to stay sober, longer. Start drinking hella energy drinks. Warning with this though, this is very bad for you. Especially if you keep taking shots.


Six, you are fucked up and need to summon up some focus to get home.

If you are driving while in this state of fucked up-ness, you should have REALLY gotten an Uber. But if you must, start by telling yourself you are messed up. Take a big breath. You won't have the ability to focus on your surroundings, so zone in on these five things: the road directly in front, the street signs (I.E. stop signs), red/green lights, speed limit and driving straight. You must take the familiar route, trust me, been there, I went the wrong way down a one-way street once. Now, constantly remind yourself, you are drunk and to focus. Force your eyes wide open every now and then, remember to breathe. BREATHEEE.


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