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Showing posts from August, 2017

Girl Pissing On The Sidewalk 3

Remember that clean-up fee that was looming over my head? The dark cloud of infuriatingly excessive fees and charges?

Well, the next day I checked my credit card and I was not charged for anything other than the drive from Seattle to Kent.

Whoops!

Guess I really should have given a tip. Double oops.

I'm sorry, I'm an asshole.

But the next time I see you and your red Prius. I owe you one.

Thank you for saving the day while going way above and beyond for two drunk Asian people, you are super Uber!

I will see you again, soon.

Drunk.

But no puking this time, promise.

With great love,

- Leo

Girl Pissing On The Sidewalk 2

"I'm going to have to charge you a clean-up fee"
Yes... I know.

I have been mentally preparing myself for the bad news since the first stop. A couple hundred dollars? Sure, and while you're at it, can you please just kick me where it REALLY hurts. I want to make sure I get the complete experience.

So here we are, stopped at some random street. Again. It's 4AM. Our Uber Bro is out there holding Lil Blue's hair, wiping off spit/puke, clutching a paper towel roll for dear life. I'm so glad at least one of us is so well prepared for the situation at hand.

Its almost like ya'll get drunk people like this all the time!

As a gentleman of great integrity and kindness, I should give a great soul, like you, a $100 tip. But I'm already going to be paying out the ass for this mess, so fuck you.

Eventually, I hear Lil Blue yell out that she needs to pee, the sound of running water silences...

The silence?

Pulling up her dress to take a squat, mid-puke, over a …

Girl Pissing On The Sidewalk

The night started out like any other. Met up and greeted each other by opening a fresh bottle of Hennessey. No need to waste money on overpriced drinks at the club.

About eight shots later, we are ready to roll out.

Party crew! Disperse!

We arrive at Trinity -- late. Our friendly, always smiling bouncer demanded payment in order to ensure our safe passage. Sure thing. Here is your bribe, I mean...

"Door fee."
Ah, good old Trinity. Always a good time. We wound up at the bar somehow, then, bought the overpriced drinks which I had specifically tried to avoid.

So, my girl "Lil Blue" and I got split up, I saw her run off. I decided I wasn't going to follow. I got no time for her ratchet needs. Run off if you want, you'd better come back with a drink.

I am now by myself with a bunch of random drunk asses and the drinks are hitting hard. Oh, who is over there, a group of girls.

Maybe I will just blend in.

Someone slapped my ass, it better be a girl. Cause that shit…

Trying To Be Nice

Wanna hear an awesome story where I do a fail?

Leggo!

It was a Saturday night, I went over this girl's place to pre-funk and stroll down to the club together.

I met some girl from China. Cool.

And she was taken... Whatever.

Many, many, many Hennessy shots later. I am ready.

Fast forward to the club. We got some hip-hop going, I can barely see, I am so drunk. This is fun!

Through the haze, I can see a group of sexy-ass Asian girls with blonde hair. They resembled a dream or maybe a porno I have seen. The Pikachu-ed hair ladies were all standing in a big circle.

How cute.

But, there was one that stood out.

She was not pretty like the rest of her friends. She looked like she got down syndrome, or something like that. All them fine-ass bitches had a random latched on, you know, like those tiny fishes that bite on to bigger ones, just to tag along for the ride.

Except for her.

So here I am: gold watch, fresh shirt, clean pants and I even changed my underwear today.

I look better tha…