Girl Pissing On The Sidewalk (Final Chapter)

"I'm going to have to charge you a clean-up fee"

Yes... I know.

I have been mentally preparing myself for the bad news since the first stop. A couple hundred dollars? Sure, and while you're at it, can you please just kick me where it REALLY hurts. I want to make sure I get the complete experience.

So here we are, stopped at some random street. Again. It's 4AM. Our Uber Bro is out there holding Lil Blue's hair, wiping off spit/puke, clutching a paper towel roll for dear life. I'm so glad at least one of us is so well prepared for the situation at hand.

Its almost like ya'll get drunk people like this all the time!

As a gentleman of great integrity and kindness, I should give a great soul, like you, a $100 tip. But I'm already going to be paying out the ass for this mess, so fuck you.

Eventually, I hear Lil Blue yell out that she needs to pee, the sound of running water silences...

The silence?

Pulling up her dress to take a squat, mid-puke, over a storm drain, she pissed out any leftover dignity. At least it wasn't in the car.

I noticed some people walking by.

"The fuck you wearing, this ain't a cosplay convention. Stupid, blue haired hippies."

We have got to get the hell out of Seattle! Back in the car, we furiously made our way towards Kent. We sat her on a nest of paper towels, in an attempt to contain the relentless assault. Though our efforts were valiant, it was ultimately useless.

I fell asleep.

Oh what?

We're home? Thank God!

I want to get the fuck away from this girl.

I scramble out of the red Prius and sing my praise! Finally out of fucking Seattle. My night was not done, however.

The creature had followed me home and it wants blood.

Lil Blue had decided to now be an angry drunk, and refused to get out.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, we are home, get the fuck out of the car!!"

She screamed some unintelligible shit and fought me as I tried to get her out. Its fucking 5AM, I'm freezing and you are doing this now!?

REALLY!?!? ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?

"Get your ass out of the car! Damn bitch!"

Everyone is now standing around looking at each other, giving the "fuck if I know" shrug. Wondering where we all went wrong in life. This has got to be punishment for some bad deed done in a previous life.

I must have deserved it.

Light bulb!

Uber Bro decides to pretend to take her home, since she obviously does not like her own fucking place. So I wave goodbye and wish them good luck.

She runs out of the car.

Success!

GO UBER BRO, GO BEFORE ITS TOO LATE! SAVE YOURSELF!

"Okay lets go inside, you crazy ass bitch"

She starts screaming more crazy shit, refusing to go inside. Uber Bro stops and asks if we are okay.  

GO, JUST GO! DO NOT STOP! IT IS TOO LATE FOR ME, YOU MUST SAVE YOURSELFFFFFFFFF!

I asked her one last time if she is going inside, she said no.

"Alright, then see ya."

I went in her house, closed the door behind me and made myself at home. I find her room, hmm... not bad looking! I laid down in her bed backwards so once she comes to her fucking senses, she can get a good whiff of my feet stank, all night long.

I passed the fuck out.

 I wake up the next day and see her face right next to my feet.

Good.

Comments

The Most Popular:

The Embodiment Of Cuck

Asian/White Couples

Someone Hit The Lambo Pt. 2

Hash-Tags