Lesbian Viet

Oh mah goodness. Where do I start with this one.

Lil Blue, has a friend -- Les Viet. Exquisite face, heart-stopping body (but small tits, tho) and purveyor in the art of carpet munching. Wow. *Heart*

I mean, it doesn't bother me. I don't look down or disrespect a good lesbian-ing, it's fun watching two bitches get down. I'm not jealous.

But, that ass...


Our target for the night of debauchery is Sugar Hill, as you can probably tell from the intro, it is gonna end on a low note for me. But I ain't sour, no.

Lil Blue and I arrive on scene, looking fresh! We wait for everyone else.

A few minutes go by.

Les Viet is here and she is looking good in that camouflage outfit... Wassup. Then The Snob and a bunch of random bitches show up.


"Is everyone here? Yes? No? Who cares let's go."

Now in the club, I look around. I soon realize... I showed up on fucking lesbian night because -- actually. 

Fuck why.

The party is about to get lit!

While waiting in line, I watched some girl panic, realizing she forgot to bring cash for the door fee. Those forgetful bitches. Try to not forget next time... Maybe she assumed some sucker was going to pay for her. Pfffffffffffffffffft.

Well, she assumed right.

I offered to pay for her, cause, she fine as hell!

Now this is where I expect her to be like, "well, thanks. See ya!" But she offered to buy the group shots. Whoa. I'll take a Hennessy, please!

Now friends.

This is the part where I'm supposed to tell you that being nice pays off and *blah* motivational *blah*. So in life, you must be nice, but only to those fine-ass bitches. That way, when she fucks you over, you can at least walk away with some eye candy.

Okay, where was I.

Right, the club.

Now inside and feeling good. The party moves to a booth in the corner. I'm not gonna bore you with the script of our average party-goer. But it roughly reads like this. For the ladies it's grind, grind, run away, drink, grind, act snobby, grind anyway, drink, repeat. For my bros the story is little less exciting, drink, drink, courage-activated, grind, get turned down, grind, grind, turned down again, grind on another one, drink, repeat.

While doing my part to reinforce this stereotype, Les Viet was busy building relations with some chick and... 

Damn ma, you look even better than Les Viet!

Oh look, there's already a random trying to get in on the action. 


Les Viet and AZN Blondie are getting comfortable, very comfortable, I pause, I try not to stare, I stare.

I look behind me and The Snob is grinding on someone, they've been going at it for a while, actually. Last time I saw them, I was sober and now I'm one shot from death. God damn, it looks like she just hopped out of the shower. There is some serious sweating going on, sweaty bitch.

You sure you don't want to like, towel off?

Your crotch has got to be like -- way beyond swampy by now. By my scientific calculations, you should be at Hurricane-Katrina-Fucking-Tsunami-Flood-New-Orleans level of crotch-ness.

Good luck. You lucky.

The Snob and I have a unique relationship, every time she sees me, she refuses to talk or even look at me. Not really much of a loss since I don't exactly try, either. But it seems like certain people think they are above even simple manners. Especially, her.

Les Viet and AZN Blondie disappear. So I go back to doing what I do best, twerking on that dance floor!

It must have been at least an hour or so. I'm drunk and surrounded by Asian baby girls. Life is pretty good.

Annndddd my favorite lesbians are back! And they got company, that random is still in hot pursuit. You on a leash or something? Annoying ass bitch.

I glanced over to see Les Viet and AZN Blondie making out. Whoa.
Then it hit me, this is like a dream I once had.



I'm done watching someone else is having all the fun. If I'm not the one fucking that pussy then I don't give a fuck. Fuck you!

Those damn lesbians, hahaha!

The rest of the night was me doing what I did best, have lots of fucking fun. That is, until my old age hit me and I was suddenly sober and tired.

I can't believe it, I am partied out!

I retire my old, wrinkled ass to the booth. I got my legs up on the bench taking the entire bitch to myself. Like a douche. An old douche. You want to sit here? Too bad.

Oh, I love myself.

Les Viet and AZN Blondie take up residence next to my exhibition of extreme douchiness. Grinding on each other, giving sensual lap dances, just being sexy. Right next...To...Me... *Drools*

Fuck them.

I open up Instagram and ogle over half-naked chicks. Much better.

A nagging voice echoes into my conscience, maybe, they were trying to get my attention all along.

Whatever, I don't care.

Lights come on, party is over. I walk out a stronger person. I'm not jealous.


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