She Was Aggressive

Remember that one story, where my friend's girl was slutting around, then I was like, "cut that bitch off," like KCamp. All while, our universally unhelpful lady friend decided, the best option was to talk about feelings??

Feelings!? Pffffffffft. This isn't the Sisterhood Of The Traveling WHATEVER... or Twilight.

Well, that night had a lot more going, though, like most things in my life. It ended up being forcibly ripped out of my hands, right as I was getting to the center of that Tootsie Pop.

That sounded dirty.

I arrived at our bar/club in a big bunch, one of the girls I came with brought two mafia looking "body guards". It was one of those, "uhhhhh, okay?" kind of moments.

Sluts be sluts. Enough about her.

Back to me.

So I was rocking a fresh outfit, gold watch, two chains (just kidding, I'm not that cool) and other good shit. I topped everything off, with a chinstrap.

Besides the drama that unfolded before my eyes.

While I was sitting at the table, watching the Hoe-Friend puke into a shot glass. The Mafia Girl, decided to ignore her dates and pull me out to the dance floor, even as, I was telling her no.

I was thinking,

"Please don't let them be actual mafia body guards."

Because, I might end my night with some stylish, new bullet holes. Luckily, while I was being dragged out, with some very angry eyes staring at me, I "accidentally" grabbed this random girl by the waist to, you know, "move her out of the way."

Okay, I was trying to cop a feel... You got me.

So, as I slid by with Mafia Girl holding on to one hand, she saw me and grabbed my other. Then, pulled me behind her. I let go of Mafia Girl as fast as I could, I don't need her ratchet ass or her body guards.

I've never had this happen before, maybe it was the chin strap.

Miss Big Booty, pushed me against the table. 


The very same table where Hoe-Friend was puking into a tiny-ass cup. She started grinding on me...

The feeling.

It was.

AMAZING BRO!

I'm not talking about having a girl grind me on, it was nothing new. But her ass, it was fucking soft! I could tell through my jeans. Years of strip clubs, had honed my booty sensors to finely tuned, high-precision measuring instrument.

Ass, ass, ass, ass!

She was pushing me and the table back on to Hoe-Friend. So, I stopped her, to request that we air fuck somewhere else. She declined, she wanted me, "right there," against the table.

Like I said before, it's tough being this sexy. But you know, I do it, cause I care. For all you.

As I was having this amazing time. Well, I should have had an amazing time. Except, my entire group of friends were embroiled in drama, topped off with puke everywhere. Everyone was just sitting around, watching me. Looking.

It fucking killed the mood and I could not act ratchet, with everyone staring at me.

I don't remember clearly, but, I'm pretty sure I ended my booty down. By, awkwardly walking back to the table, then sat down... With my wonderful friends.

I hate all of them.

The Mafia Girl disappeared with her dates and I spent the rest of the night watching Hoe-Friend puke.

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