Why I Hate Hipsters

I also have a disdain for hipsters.

 

Something about them is just, very punch-able. Like, if a hipster bumped into me, I'd say,

Oh, excuse me.

Offer up a friendly smile, then, clothesline the fucker.

I mean, I am very accepting. I love all people. Even, the ones that make it very hard to even be around them.

Hipsters are my Kryptonite.

Example 1:

 Try walking up to anyone with a man-bun in Seattle and ask them, what's up.


They will respond, by, telling you about this awesome hike or their passion for collecting old sex toys. Because, toys back then are just,

...Oh so satisfying.

...You can feel thee passion in the craftsmanship.

...The artwork, the artist instills into every line.

"It just, sends shivers down my spine."

Wow, that's... Cool?

Then, it's your turn to share a little about yourself.

As you ponder about whether you should punch this thing in the mouth, or not. You are met with a overly anxious, excited gaze.

Anything that perky, has got to be fake.

Like your mom's tits. 

So you tell a mildly funny story and you get,

"WOW, OMG! ARE YOU SERIOUS? NO FUCKIN WAY!!! HAHAHAHAH! YOU ARE AWESOME!"

Yes, I really, did, just buy a box of Cheerios for breakfast.

Thanks for your enthusiasm.

You know what I like to call people like that?

FAKE.

So, they go right back to telling a story about how awesome their breakfast was, as well. How much they also, like, totally love Cheerios. Heheh.

Ugh.

Example 2:

Then, there is the "I'm gonna fight for EVERYONE'S rights" hipster.


Everyone, except people they don't like...

"Oh, fuck you, if you like ketchup. Ketchup should be banned. I know Albinos, who are deathly allergic to it."

"I don't care if YOU like it. People are suffering. You don't matter. Ketchup needs to be banned for the sake of these people."

Yay, hipster.

Example 3:

I know a girl, Hashtag Bitch.

Always talking about good vibes and surrounding herself with positive-ness.


Well, I have a friend. Poor soul has a mental disorder and just happens to also, really like her.

Her of all people...

Now, I believe the mental retardation disorder part.

The Janitor, likes her. So one day, Janitor confessed his love. Just wanting to, at least, be friends. Guess what her response was.

"I have enough friends."

"I don't need any more friends in my life."

Wow... How about next time. You take that sand out of your vagina first, before you go and shut down some kid like that. Bitch.

Aside from that, she is always spewing bullshit, like,

"OH MAH GAWD! My best, best, best friend just broke into my room and left all these little, hand-written notes everywhere! I so love her!"

So, someone broke into your private space and left little, bullshit notes everywhere. For you, to clean. And you're happy?

Not to mention, every hike she goes on, needs to be documented on Facebook in full detail, with 30 pictures and 10 videos. Followed by some cheesy-ass-motivational-spiritual shit and topped off with a thousand hashtags.

Example 4:

Buns...


Need I say more?

You look like a pretend Mulan, with bleached hair, acting like hot shit. Not to mention, if you are gonna do it. At least, maintain your hair

You chose a style that looks dumb as hell and is high maintenance. YET, you are gonna be lazy...

Ah, I feel much better now. Sometimes, you've just got to let it all out.

Like right now.

Excuse me, while I go take a shit on a mountain trail, somewhere.

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