How To Prepare Yourself For Cunnilingus (Female Version)

Today is your lucky day.

Someone is about to munch on that carpet.

So how does a girl prepare herself for this incoming pleasure?

What does a girl's juices, even look like?

Well... For some, it is a clear, slimy, lube-like substance. It could be a little whiter,  thicker, or both.

 I know what you are thinking, not like THAT.

But, more like snot.


How about the taste?

It is hard to describe. It is unlike any food or chemical. I'd say the smell and taste, is a bit similar to a saline solution.

Maybe seawater?

Or fresh oyster?

That's the closest thing I got. Lets get down to business.

1. Wipe That Vagina Down

Nothing is worse, than waiting on a girl to pull all her shit down.

Coming in close.

Only to instantly REGRET everything, when you get a good whiff of what you're about to lick.

Especially, if she's been out all day and never got the chance to "freshen" up.

Or if she just took a piss.

Because I can taste all of it: piss, sweat, what you ate for lunch, whether you did your taxes or not. EVERYTHING.

So ladies, before you get to the naughty (very naughty) part of your rendezvous, and pop them legs open.

Be sure to hop in a shower and wash (soap optional).

Or just wipe yourself down with a baby wipe.

Personally, I don't care what it smells like, as long as it's not BAD.

Same goes for taste, I don't mind eating some Summer's Eve soap, if it means getting to enjoy that pussy better.

2. Shaving

I know girls have more work, when it comes to shaving.

But you also have easier access to your ass crack.

That's life.

Nothing is worse, than having to comb your bush to the side, so I can see where I'm going. Not to mention, the hairs stuck in my mouth.

It is like, you are eating dinner. And it's a really good dinner too, you're enjoying the shit out of that foie gras. Then... whats that? You reach in your endless void of cheeseburgers and beer, to pull out a hair.

Please, don't go wild woman.

Keep your shit shaved or trimmed short.

3. Cottage Cheese

Please no cottage cheese, thanks.


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