Someone Hit The Lambo

I was minding my own business, driving the ultimate douche machine.

And yeah.

Someone hit my brand new, Lamborghini Huracan, and FUCKING ran.

People always say that... Asians cannot drive. But guess what, I'm Asian. And every time I have EVER been hit... Guess what? They weren't Asian.

I have only been in 3 accidents, so far.

More is on the way. If I can't rein in this uncontrollable road rage. But this isn't about me.

They were all, not my fault. And the stingy-ass-hat insurance people, agree. Meaning... those assholes all hit ME.

None of them Asian.

Same story this time. The one time, you know. With a Lambo.

Some assholes in a beat up, silver SUV or van looking thing. Hit MY Lambo. 

And... the good news? 

...It actually isn't mine.

So... WHOOPS! Sorry rental company! Hahahaha! It was THEIR bad.

I was at a red light, and they were in the lane to my left. 

Waiting for the green... To execute a well-coordinated, beautifully crafted, LEFT

They changed their mind. Tried to get out of that lane, by rolling on top of my LAMBORGHINI.

I mean, that wouldn't have been a bad way to do it. You can easily use a Lambo as a ramp, if you wanted.

But, I will tell you what.

I had an immediate, mental breakdown.

Yep, I would have had a seizure and pissed myself, right there. In that $200K, carbon-fiber, yet strangely cheap feeling interior. 

But my girlfriend snapped me out of it. I started rolling forward, as the shit can ran

Praying to God, that the sound I just heard,

...Wasn't from the Lamborghini.

...That expensive, high-class, exquisite body. Touching poor-people stuff.

Then it hit me, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!

I made a u-turn and tried to chase the assholes down.

They were gone...

Okay, time to face the music.

I made it back to the rental company. Got out, and saw the damage: one scuffed-up wheel, one damaged side-marker, and toss in a scratched clear bra... Why not.

Wow, not as bad as I thought! Maybe $500 or $600?

The rental company disagreed with my assessment.

$2000 in damages, please.


Let me tell you something, when you rent one of these cars. And for sure, after the words "I might have slightly, fucked up your car." escape your mouth. 

They will inspect the vehicular-sex-on-wheels, with a microscope. And CHARGE, you for everythng they find.

They wrote down things like: scratched steering wheel, scuffed passenger-side panels, a FUCKING mark on the seats, and all this bullshit.

Seriously? I magically scratched a panel, on the passenger side? 


You know that, right? 

How can I scuff your panel, from the driver's side. Considering, I was alone the whole time.

Oh yeah! Sorry. I forgot, I had 5 prostitutes with me. Those darn prostitutes, always fucking my shit up.

So, they didn't want me to go the insurance route. Understandable, since it would devalue their car. They also threatened, to make me pay for that devaluation. 

How sweet.

So, I'm out $3K. Damages, fuel, and rental fee. Whew, that's some expensive fun.

But don't cry just yet.

This story has a good ending. All thanks, to American Express. American Express, I love you.


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