Angry Book Pirates Hits Back

So some angry book pirates, bit back.

Let me tell you a story.

I was young, handsome, rich. And I was in college...

I am STILL young, handsome, and rich. Except now, even more so.

At the time, I was basically getting free education. My company covered tuition, and all the necessities.

I was a little spoiled.

There was this math class I took, nothing special. Just basic math. The textbook... It was green, had a hard-cover, math-stuff was inside if you actually opened it, and it cost FUCKING $300.

I finished the class, and now I have a $300 drink coaster.

I met some foreign exchange students, on the last day. They came here to get some education, to better themselves, to chase the American Dream.

They sure were, naive...  THOSE FOOLS! BAHAHAH!

They did not have the same luxury, I had. Everything came from their own pockets. Their ragged, torn, old pockets.

So I gave this girl my book.

She thanked me, and expressed her gratitude. Sadly her gratitude, did not come in the form of sexual favors. Only a lot of... mushy words. Which is kinda okay too.

I guess...

So I went about my life, never seeing that girl again. Only keeping that warm feeling, of saving a girl... With a dream, $300.

A while later, I ran into her again.

We go to the same college, so it was bound to happen, sooner or later.

"How was the book, I gave ya!?" 

She told me, she had to... Throw it away.

"What the hell!? WHY!? You know how much that book cost!?"

Story is, those nice publishers... The racketeering mafia, in control of your education. They came out with a "new" edition.

Which translates to:

...Changed one paragraph.

...Change cover to the color purple.

...Added two new questions to random homework throughout the book.

Charge $350 for this brand new edition!

Our poor student, had cancel getting some kind of treatment. I can't remember (I'm a drunk, not a living diary)... But she skipped the doctor, so she can purchase this new book.

The teacher would not accept the old edition. Because the curriculum is based off of, you guess it, our new edition.

Which is also going to become, a $350 drink coaster...

All this, for the greatest education your local community college can offer, folks! 


Buy our overpriced, shitty books! 

Your money is going directly into our patriarch's poc... I mean... Community leader! Good causes! Education! YAY!

Profiting off of the underprivileged and poor.

Sounds like some great people.

So here we are, in 2018. And now, we have writers complaining about their precious books being pirated. From the comforts of their $2 million mansions, no less.

All while, people like that girl. 

Still cannot afford shit.

I understand the dilemma, not everyone has it good, like me. Some of those writers, must be starving too.

"Gotta settle for a Big Mac instead of lobster, tonight. God, the misery!"

Everyone wants to get paid, and continue getting paid. But...

If your "world-famous, New York's best-seller", is so shitty. That no one is willing to pay for it. Perhaps... it is time to get a real job, and stick to writing for fun.

No one is willing to pay, because?

If a sampling of that literary genius, did not result in spontaneous and explosive orgasms. Zombie-fying people, to mindlessly rush to the nearest Barnes & Noble (those are still a thing, right?). To buy hard cover copies, of EVERYTHING.

Maybe, it might have sucked.

Book pirates, aren't the reason you suck. YOU are the reason you suck. So even if all the book pirates disappeared, overnight. You'd still be broke.

I mean, how hard is it to write a book?

I write bullshit all day long. Its not that hard. You didn't do fucking hard labor. You wrote something down... And now you're charging $60 for it.

Look, maybe.

Just maybe.

Stop being so greedy?

But lets be real, if you put something on the internet. Just expect it to be stolen.

Like, are you gonna play with fire in a fuel tank. Then complain when you blow up?

You can complain all day, until the cows come home and take a shit. About how thing SHOULD be, but get over yourself.

Life doesn't work that way, not everyone lives in a walled-off garden.

The internet is sure-as-hell, no walled-off garden.

If you're that worried, about having stuff plundered by ferocious, book-wormy pirates. Keep it on hard copy. You can do that, right? Sure you can.

It would be hard to "pirate" an actual book.

Unless I'm a little behind on my technology.

Besides... How much would you suffer, if you lost $60? Probably not much... Cause if I can lose $60, all day. You can too.

Which is why, all my stuff?

Its out there, its free.

Its all good!

So all you pirates out there, keep doing your thing. Bring free education to the masses! Give the middle finger to those assholes... And their fancy suits.! You're a hero.


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