First Time In California

I'm gonna attempt to do blogging, right.

That means, I'm actually gonna blog. AND remember to take pictures... This time.

I had no idea, how I managed to avoid going to Cali for 27 years.

27 years!

You can avoid having sex for 27 years... Easy. But avoid Cali-fucking-fornia for that long?

That takes dedication.

Especially when you live my lifestyle.

Today is August 16, 2018. And I have finally left my coop. Washington is about a 2 hour flight away.

I am in Santa Ana, staying at the La Quinta hotel. My home base of operations, for the week. While I execute my mission... For the truth.

The extreme legends... Tall-tales that are out of this world, of this mysterious land.

...I have come to find an answer.

Are California girls, really THAT pretty?

I have spent my time, hard-earned money, and traveled a great distance. To answer this question.

If the average girl at home, is about a 4-out-of-10.

The average here is, 6-out-of-10.


Sometimes I feel like, I'm seeing Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian clones, everywhere!

Is that the hip thing, here!?

If so, I ain't complaining.

They be looking good! I could have all those girls with some ketchup, butter, and damn fry chicken.
The general population, is more attractive. So that is always good.

I was at Hollister, and there were some cashiers talking about how slutty they were.

Like, I was just standing there... Staring at the tits on one of them. She was too busy talking to her co-whore-ker, about how often they fucked on the first date, to even notice me.

...Hold on, wait just a fucking minute. Pause the Porn-hub, and quit choking some bird.

...Fucking on the first date, without any of the bullshit?

Count me in! Where can I get in line.

Back home, these girls be all about games. Fuck them all!

After a few days. I did, kind of miss the girls from home.




...Kind of dirty.

...Cheesily tattooed.


...Strongly opinionated.


Or the overly stuck-up, prudish chick. With a really "strong" sense of style and fashion. Sporting a nice "activist" comb-over. Which screams, "I'm a feminist".

Oh I forgot one!

Le Lesbians, with short-short hair. That,

...Dress like a man.

...Walks like a man.

...Talks like a man.

...Are douches, just like... A man.

...Hits on any girl. Even when they're taken... Just like a bro.

So we're on the same page. It's okay for lesbians, to be assholes.

Hitting on my girlfriend, when I'm RIGHT THERE?

Though, to be honest. That was a douche move, I can appreciate.

It's like... Come on, bitch... Weren't the feminists just protesting this, a few minutes ago?

...And if I cat-call a girl, any girl. They sue me for sexual harassment?

What was that? Only lesbians, can sexually harass girls? Gotcha.


More like, #DoubleStandard

Oh I miss home!

Nothing quite like Washington.

So let's talk about driving around.

The roads around here are huuuge! Like 1 1/2 times, the size of roads back home.

And the drivers...

Still assholes, but skilled assholes.

They drive like idiots, who know what they're doing. So it is better than what I usually deal with.

...Completely oblivious fools.

...Dumb asses who just can't drive.

...People who cant decide, if they want to be an asshole or a bitch.

People always say, driving in California is so hard. Or this and that.

But compared to what we got back home. These guys got their shit down!

Our roadways, and the options we got. ARE SHIT. I was creeping around California, at all hours. And I never had to go slower than 60.

And this was on the week days, AND the weekend.

Try the same in Washington.

You'd be lucky to go faster than ZERO. Maybe I was lucky. But overall, I'm impressed.

Our only two choices, are I-405 or I-5. And the greedy, rainbow-unicorn fuckers, decided to fuck everyone, right in the...

And took away a lane on I-405.

"YOU WANNA USE THIS LANE? WELL... SORRY BITCHES, YOU GOT TO PAY ME NOW. What? You DON'T WANT TO? You get to wait in traffic, like all the other peasants."

Why? Fuck you, that's why. And all you can say is,

"Fuck you! You greedy, wrinkly, bald-ass politician!"

To which, they will respond with,

"You want to fuck me? Be my guest, my body is ready... Big boy."

It's like... You added NO capacity or value. None. Nada. And now you're charging people to use, what used to be free.

Angry rants aside.

Would I move to California?

Yes, with a 30% chance of no. I love the fresh air, I love the openness, love the sunshine. It would be a great place, to call home! But I feel like, it would be more of the same shit.

Annndddd, I forgot to take pictures.


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