Reality Of A Fancy Card

So I thought owning a fancy American Express, would be awesome.

Like, I'd whip it out, and girls be all like...

"Oh MAH GAWD! It's so shiny, and hard!"

*Seductive wink*

*Adjusts boobies*

Then I would respond, in a posh, yet sophisticated manner,

"Of course baby, only for you... Lets fuck."

But NO!

My American Express Platinum, has been less than stellar. In the douche-bag-show-off department. A complete let down.

And that's my favorite department, too! Right between Abercrombie & Fitch, Express, and Lids.

So I stumbled into a bar...

Found the hottest waitress there, then ordered some drinks. I handed back the menu, sneaking in my number written down on a spare receipt... With a smile. She whisked away, to whip up some dangerous concoctions.

In the meantime, I stare at this girl behind the counter.

I never knew you could mop like that. But apparently, with the aid of technology... We humans, have found a way to make mopping sexy.

I stare at her ass... Or... As the politically correct betas would say, admire her ass.

How does someone even mop like that? Are you even cleaning anything? Girl... Work on your damn ergonomics. Gimme that damn mop! I will show you how its done.

So I sat down to enjoy some very expensive, and shitty gin-and-tonic. With a little le-mon slush.

Not lemon, mind you.

It is, Leeeeeeh-Monnn!

Yes, overpriced drinks from a fancy restaurant... My favorite....

I snap my fingers! I summon the waitress.

"Excuse me! I, Leo... Would like to receive my scroll, of debt."



"What is a scroll of debt!?"

"Check please..."

After annoying my waitress, I could tell she was very impressed. Maybe even JEALOUS!

I reach back, to find my wallet. But first, I must feel my ass.

Very firm and succulent.

I unbuttoned the back pocket... Gleaming with confidence. And with a slow, deliberate speed... I pull out THE wallet. Louis Vuitton only.

I do a quick glance, to see how impressed she was (with my aura of financial enrichment)... Very impressed.

I then... Present to her, my American Express Platinum.

She grabs it and just walks off.

No comment, nothing!

This is an outrage! She was supposed to be blown away.

...Get wet.

...Call Mom. 


I have a few words to say about this. 

But I feel like, a poem... Something beautifully poetic. A sonnet! Ahem... In this beautiful world we live in.

Everyday, is a blessed day.

...Every choice... Every decision...

It opens an unprecedented rainbow of opportunities.

Which door will you take?

We all take our own paths, in life. And our final destination depends entirely on us.

Through the hardships, the trials and tribulations... We go through all of it... With the support of our loved ones, loving friends, and an unknown yet mysterious force.

They lend us, a supportive hand.  Pulling us back up, when we are about to wither and fall. Pushing us back into the race!

It is then, that we may finally reap the fruits of our labor.

And why the fuck was she not impressed with my Platinum card!

What is wrong with YOU!?

Don't you see!? Look, IT IS PLATINUM! So COOL! It is like, metal... And stuff.

Aside from that, the American Express Platinum, does have a lot of cool perks and benefits! Especially if you're a travel junkie.

So, use it...

Not as a piece to show off, but as a travel card. BOOM!


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