What I Think It Is Like To Be Rich

More money? More problems? 

If you're rich, life could not get any easier.

How hard can life be, when you can buy a McLaren.  



I could too.

I just need to eat ramen and drink my own urine. Probably use my piss, to cook the ramen as well... 

Drink piss. Piss it out. Repeat.

But for those who can, and not have to eat piss-noodles.

You have it easy.

Like say, you were feeling a little horny.

Plebeians, such as I. Would have to settle for the cheap hookers.

Calculating service, verses cost. Down to the dollar.

For you, cost is not an issue. Having sex with a super model, at $1,500 an hour?

That's outrageously... Cheap!

Give me two, and keep that free gift.

So if sex is no issue, how about cars?

Like I had discussed. When you're in super car for cash, territory. Life is simply too good, for any mere mortal.

Such as I.

Your biggest concern, is whether they can kill enough elephants. To make your brake and gas pedals entirely from ivory, wrapped in supple alligator.

Why? Why the hell not. Is the better question.

So finding the car you want, is also... Not an issue to be concerned with.

How about clothing? Rich people must have some things, they cannot buy.

Also no.

Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Burberry, and so on.

Make sure you say all those with a heavy french, accent for authenticity.

When your annual income equals 10-years of hard labor, for the average person.

Those brands might as well be Wal-Mart.

You can afford it. Easy.

If even I, can wipe my ass with $1000 Louis Vuitton toilet-paper, it should be no problem for a entrepreneur - like yourself.

Let's go big-time.

Taking over the world.

With a fat bank account, and a heavy hand. You could theoretically, take over the world.

But this is where the rich, is separated from the RICH.

Taking over a country is no easy task.

You gotta pay poor people like me, to be your henchman.

But simply paying me is not enough, what am I going to fight with?

Is it a, bring-your-own-gun-to-work party?

You've got to arm, train, and supply me. Times a few hundred thousand.

I figure a fully armed henchman is what? $5000? Multiply that by 100,000 for a good sized army, and it costs just shy of HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT!

Now, your gonna need some cool toys.

Tanks, amphibious vehicles, jets, and helicopters. And lots of them ($10T).

If you wanna take on America, though. It still might not be enough.

Poisoning the beer, fast food and Hennessy supply, should take out half the population.

Probably more.

Me included.

So sorry, I won't be able to attend your Take-Over-the-World party ($5M).

Due to a severe case of, dead as fuck.

Now that you have an army. And a well armed one, at that.

As you take over countries, one by one. You are gonna need a home base...

A castle ($20M).

No, too small.

We are gonna need a well fortified city. With a fortress in the middle. Also known as, your new home ($20B).

By your golden crown ($1M), should also be a small army.

Guarded by ten half-naked, female assassins. I figure, they would want at least $200K a year.

So we looking at $2M, annually. 

Not bad.

Be sure to keep those bitches happy, or their next target... Is you.

As with any bad guy, you are gonna need to bribe some people. Around $1B should cover it.

Consider it, an investment.

Which you will recoup later, when you pillage their capitol.

...And kill their chickens.

...Fuck everyone's wives.

...Then dispose of EVERYONE.

Now you've become a ruthless dictator, your head is worth a LOT of money.

BTW. Here is some help, for the wife-fucking part. Maybe this too. Your welcome...

Remember... Happy incomes = happy employees. Keep your henchmen well paid, and you should avoid any coups.

Now that you own everything, there really isn't that much left to do.

So the only natural thing to do is...



The Most Popular:

Rihanna Was Fat-Shamed

How To Prepare Yourself For Cunnilingus (Bro Version)