What The Hell, Healthy Beer?

You said it right BroBible. Someone is for sure, going to be offended.

And it's me.

Who in the hell, has this kind of thought process?

"Yo! Let's get fucked, the fuck up!"

"Oh shit. How many calories, was in that shot!?"

"Yo I can't drink no more, I'm watching deez macros."

Man, shut the hell up!

Who the hell goes out to get FUCKED UP, then worries about the health-benefits of the liquid death, they're inhaling? Made from the purest, urine-concentrate available, no less... Imported directly from Italy.

That's like, trying to make organic heroin.

Sure, it might be natural. But it's still gonna kill ya, just as good. 

The point of going out, is to do something dangerous. And not good for you... That's the whole idea! It's not like, you're gonna go out with friends and drink water.

...Water is good for you.

...Water makes you, feel good.

So why aren't we all getting wasted on water, at the clubs?

Because its not cool, you can brew all the hippie-beers you want. People are still gonna reach for a Hennessy, if they want to prove something.

I don't care what you say, about ANYTHING.

The answer, is always Hennessy.

And no matter how organic your rainbow-beer is, it still has alcohol in it. Isn't ALCOHOL the killer ingredient?

Or are we now, just trying to repackage the same shit in new clothes.

We all die anyways. 

So why delay the inevitable?

Wouldn't it be more fun, to be there on your deathbed and think back to your 20's. Then remember all the dumb, funny shit you did? I would die happy, knowing... I did alright.

Like, running around naked until you arrive at an intersection. Realize your dream of being a traffic-director, then start directing traffic, on the spot - naked.

Did you know they made hella money!?

What the hell? Nearly 130K, to DIRECT TRAFFIC!?

Lets be real here, if you were trying to keep a healthy lifestyle. Beer should be no part of it. 

Even if you were to formulate the holy-beer-grail. Which forces every hipster within a 20-mile radius, to spontaneously orgasm... Then sprint to the nearest Goodwill (in full Lulu-Lemon), to purchase used underwear at 79 cents a pair... And a giant, organic, locally-sourced fur coat.

...Would it taste the same? 

...Would it really be considered beer?

Would you be proud to drink it?

Can you look your old man, in the eyes. And tell'em, you drink organic, low-calorie, locally-sourced, sissy beer...? I didn't think so.

The answer, is Hennessy.




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