I Fought The LGBT Movement

Here we are,


I'm drunk. And outside the house, somewhere.

Then one of those asshole friends of mine was all like,

"Hey Leo, you want a shot?"

 I replied,

"No, I'm good."

"Well that's fucking gay..."

An outraged, disembodied voice screams back,

"You got a problem with gay people?"

Andy spits back,

"Fuck you, I wasn't even talking to you."

Hey, what a coincidence! This is starting to remind me of that one night at the strip club. Except this time, we have an easily offended twink yelling at us.

How come everything reminds of that stripper bitch? Maybe I'm just scarred.

"No fuck YOU, you discriminating bigot! All you cis-males are the same!"

I tried ordering some popcorn from the bartenders, but they ignored me... It's okay, thanks for saving me money. No tips fah u! ASSHOLES.

But I was confused, what in the world is a cis-male? I've never heard that term before.




So I walked back over... They're still screaming unintelligible shit at each other.

"Hey both of you, shut the hell up. What the fuck is a cis-male anyway?"

The outrage in the eyes of this... thing? Is pretty obvious.

Like a mix between a gender-confused lesbian... And a little less confused, cross-dressing dyke.

"A cis-person, is a person who is biologicallyyyyyyy born their identified gender."


"You mean someone fucking normal?"

"No! Everyone is normal!"

"No, I'm normal. You are a fucking homosexual."

"I'm normal too okay? And you're such an asshole!"

Then Andy butts in,

"If you're normal then I'm a fucking pedophile turtle. Don't be stepping on my fucking rights."

So I said,

"If you can go around taking one up the ass, I want to be legally allowed to fuck chickens."

"You're all fucking disgusting!"

Andy replied,

"No, you're just gay."

Then I added,

"And kind of ugly too, for a gay person."

This was a bad move. As I just opened my self a can of LEVEL: 2, outrage.

Security was standing on the sidelines. Just itching to toss our asses out!

"Fuck all of you! Seriously, like fuck you! Especially you! You short, little Asian bitch."

Fairy, you guys remember Fairy?

He was part of the party crew that night. But abandoned us to chase pussy. I wouldn't expect any less, honestly.

Right as things were heating up, Fairy popped in, just in time to hear me yell,

"Fuck your little faggot ass, I'mma kick your ass right here and now boiiii!"

I got up nice and close, spitting as I yelled.

Fairy came up and once again, ruined my fun. At least, I thought it was... This time, the gorilla hands belonged to security. One of them grabbed my shoulder and said I had to go.

"Hell no I didn't do anything, it was that fucking queer."

"You guys are all leaving, right now!"

"What about that bitch!?"

"Nights over."

"You tossing me out cause I'm Asian!? What about Andy? Bro is white."

Guess we're all leaving cause everyone is giving me that quiet, "just go" look.

I told the security-gorilla,

"I didn't pay for my drinks."

"No, you're leaving right now."

"That's cool, thanks. Fuck this place, and fuck you! Fucking ape-ass, mother fucker!"

So now the three of us are in the parking lot, Andy made a crucial remark about the situation,

"Well, that really was pretty fucking gay."

Then we all hit Jack In The Box.


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