So I Joined SeekingArrangements

Some people would say, I don't respect women.

And some people, would be right as fuck.

One night, I had a couple shots and had an awesome idea!

Trying to get free pussy from Tinder wasn't working, so let's flip the cards. And no, I don't mean go L.G.B.T.L.M.A.O. Whatever.

Let's pretend to be a sugar daddy!

So during my Tinder days, I would try to find these "matches" right? And when I finally did, I'd shoot a couple messages,

"Hey, I love your *Insert bullshit* they look great on you. How are you?"

Start off with the same, old bullshit. It usually goes nowhere as you would quickly run out of shit to say.

A funny thing about Tinder is, I'd ask the bitch out and she would say no. So? What exactly was the point of all that chatter?

I only met one girl off Tinder.

And she was crazy.

The bitches from Tinder can be categorized into the following: crazy, ego-boosters, fat/ugly, and the catfish.

If you got a dink, and you're on Tinder... Be prepared to get shit on by everyone, even the ugly ones. Even your own friends would shit on you. Even your mom would shit on you.

Because you are literally scraping the bottom of the barrel.

You can try being the nice fellow. Respecting women like a perfect gentleman... But you'd still get this,

"Hey actually... Even though we were having that engaging conversation, I suddenly don't feel like talking anymore. Good luck finding someone else! Bye!"

With some stupid emoji at the end.

Annddd you're blocked.

You close the app, put the phone down, and walk away confused.

...Was it something I said?

...Am I not good looking enough?

Actually, its none of that. You were just another victim of the Crazy Bitch™.

So I joined SeekingArrangements! Also known as the "totally not prostitution, but you can totally pay bitches to fuck RAW" dating website.

I copied/paste photos from my Tinder, pulled an exquisite self-summary out my ass, hit save, done.

So it's still the same me, except I'm flexing my money now.

And behold!

30 messages, 20 favorites, and a bunch of private-photo requests.

I didn't even have to try, they all came to me! Fuck yeah!

And this is pretty fucking sad.

Check it out.

And sorry I didn't post any photos! I really should have, but laziness is one hell of a drug.

19-years old, 5'6 tall, and athletic.

"I am Ready to travel . If you re an indian , don t expect from me to answer your messages"

And you're expecting some sucker to fork over a couple grand a month? No random asshole can afford that level of cuck.

So she wants someone rich, but only if they're a certain flavor.

The funny part is, she can't even use proper fucking English. I mean... If you want to be racist, then by all means.

But at least try not to sound stupid.

That's the least you can do.

31-years old, 5'0 tall, and athletic.

Funny how everyone is athletic, even when they're kinda not.

"Lastly, I'm a mom of 4. They're amazing children. Their dad is involved so I do have free time (or I get a sitter) but they always come first."

Of course their daddy is involved.

"I am searching for a long term Daddy, mentor, or partner. I’d love a man who could help with college or bills. I'm very open to most types of relationships and am open minded about trying new things. (Except one time hook ups ) I can be your friend, your girlfriend or even someone you just enjoy being with. I have a big heart and love making people happy. I am not clingy or obsessive so I don't expect you to constantly keep in contact."

So you want someone to pay to be your "friend"? A bitch whose over 30, and has 4 KIDS... And the ex is still hanging around, probably fucking during the downtime?

If any of you take that offer, please just give me your money. I can find you something 100-times better. Guaranteed! Being a cuck is one thing, but a stupid cuck?

Come on.

23-years old, 5'6 tall, and slim.

With no ass, or tits LOL!

"Let’s face it: those guys who make no money and flood my inbox with photo requests serve a purpose - to make you look good 😂 hello to the perfect gentleman about to slide into my inbox and make a connection with me... it all starts with a conversation. About you: Trying to find that needle in a haystack. Willing but haven’t found the one(s). But when you do, you treat her (me) with care and delicacy. You never let me complain about something you can easily fix so I can get back to smiling and being your cute little lover and we can enjoy life during the time we have together."

I'm glad all those broke assholes make me (him) look so damn gorgeous.

I mean, it would be such a shame to have you (the bitch) complain about something, and lose that beautiful smile. I (me) can totally take care of your bills, shopping... You know, just let me pay for EVERYTHING. You want a new Chanel bag? Just put in on the American Express.

But the real question is, what do you have to offer me?

...Pussy? That is it?

And I could not locate the ass, or tits. So is it personality? It sounds like all will be good as long as the money keeps flowing?

Not much I can't get for much cheaper.

At least this one can spell.

18-years old (times 3), wait... Three of them?

This one is catering to the pedophiles of the rich world.

"Hey boys, this account is run by 3 sugar babies who can't afford to have 3 separated accounts. We're all 18!!"

The three of you cannot afford $80 a month? I don't think sugar babies even need to pay for an account... These bitches look young, like 16 young.

And they're very excited about meeting older... Fart bags... With money.

They're off to a GREAT start.

31-years old, 5'8 tall, and currrvyyyy.

"I'm an high class woman of standards, a sexy woman on the dominant side who likes a submissive man that will discreetly worship me and work for my happiness.I like music, concerts, minding my own business, trying new things, and spending time with someone who is adventurous, and excited to explore the wilder sides of life."

Let me translate that for you,

"Greetings! I'm a fat bitch."

"You don't know me but I'm the greatest thing to ever come into your sad, pathetic life."

I don't know what self-respecting man would actually pay this bitch. I mean, I guess there has to be. Otherwise this shit wouldn't even exist.

And she likes to mind her own business? What the hell is that? Is that the new "thing" to post on dating profiles now?

"I enjoy hiking, traveling, spreading my legs, and minding my own business."

So I have to pay her, AND work for her happiness? Bitch I think you have this backwards, it is my money and my rules. If I'm paying you, then you better fucking damn well work towards MY happiness.

This isn't about you, this is about me.

I don't know what kind of drugs she be on, but to actually believe this delusion?

You work hard for your money right? So you deserve a little more respect than that.

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