Showing posts from May, 2019

I Got Alcohol Poisoning


I don't know if I got WAY too fucking drunk, or if someone tried to date-rape-drug rape me. But it happened... And this has never happened before.

But it did.

I feel so violated.

I don't know if I can talk about this, without my safe space.

There we were, huddled around a bottle at Fairy's house: me, Dumb Ass, Fairy (obviously), the GF, and Jen.

Two girls. One was family, and the other is... You know... Girlfriend.

I got off work, we united, then sat around listening to Dumb Ass awkwardly hit on my niece.

Shots please!

Ah, nothing like Kirkland Signature whiskey.

I swear, Costco is going to take over the world. And I will welcome my new wholesale overlord. You can charge me membership fees for everything. And I will pay!

Odd... The drinks didn't go down that well.

You know how sometimes... You get that "I'm gonna puke everywhere" reflex as soon as the shit hits your throat? Yeah... Those were some rough shots. But I stuck it out, nothing can derail…

Pissing Off Every Girl

You remember my friend, Fairy?

How about Dumb Ass?

Dumb Ass, has a very special ability. The ability to piss of any girl in record time, every time. Like seriously, in Fairy's own words...

"I have never met anyone who can get under a girls skin and just piss her the fuck off, as well as you."
So the three of us went out, just to have a good time.

As usual, Dumb Ass looks like a slob. I even told him myself,

"Clean your fucking shit up. Stop dressing like a homeless tweaker."
But nope. It is going to be the, "I'm not going to listen to anyone, and die a virgin" trajectory for this asshole. Good luck!

We were sitting at a table, drinking...  Watching the white girls try to dance. And the subsequent randoms with their confidence boost from that hipster IPA, all getting in line to try the same line.

Makes me think back to when I was single.

Did I look that pathetic? 😓

Then Dumb Ass runs off, to chat up the HOTTEST... Did you see that bold-ed, capital…