Hey Lookout Behind You

It was one of those nights, we just had a long fucking day at work. And I was ready to drink it all away.

One of my co-workers, hits me up.

"Hey bro, lets go hit the pool hall. And take some shots too, bro!"

"Bro... You down, bro?"

"Always... Bro."

And here we are, at the pool hall!

Oh look, there a shot.

...And another one.

I honestly have no idea how, but these shots just keep appearing out of nowhere. I'm just gonna drink until the Hennessy stops magically appearing.

😂

Tonight I was with some co-workers.

Skinny Cambo, and Tall Cambo. 

Tall Cambo is one of those people... Who likes to keep ordering shots until everyone's blood/alcohol level is so high, that they all just spontaneous combust. While Skinny Cambo, is usually just along for the ride.

"Come on bro, don't waste this shot. I paid for this with my hard-earned money!"

"Shit dude, I told you I was gonna fucking puke."

"Come on Leo, don't waste money bro!"

"I told you..."

"Come on, bro."

"Give it to fucking Skinny Cambo."

And that is the extent of our exchange, before I just say...

"Give me that damn shot."

They hand me the shot, usually with a cheeky smile.

😏

*Chug*

"Fuck you, Tall Cambo. You did this to me!"

*Runs To Bathroom And Puke*

Which is pretty funny, because our conversation before the bar usually goes like this.

"Hey bro, Leo. You wanna go out? I'm kind of tired today, lets just eat."

"Just eat!?"

"Yeah, and maybe like one pitcher." 

"One pitcher!?!? You know, that sounds reasonable. One pitcher, and like a couple shots. That would be perfect, right there..."

"So Leo, wanna go out?"

"Leggo!"

Three pitchers, and four shots later...

 "I tought u sed... Wun pitch...r... Bro?"

"I dun no wut hap... pap... hapin... ed, b-b-bro!"

Speaking of throwing up, after that one time, I learned my lesson. It's gonna take a lot more than peer pressure to make me do THAT again.

One time, we were standing outside after last call. Tall Cambo poured us a little Remy Martin from the trunk.

"Guys, please take this shot. If you guys are my real friend... You will drink this shot with me."

"Fuck that."

"Come on Leo, we are friends. Right?"

"Nope."

"Skinny Cambo, you're my friend right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Take this shot man, show Leo what a real friend is."

So I shot back,

"Yeah skinny Cambo, show me what a real friend is."

Skinny Cambo takes the shot, then immediately throws up into a bush.

"Oh shit. 😨"

"Come on Leo, Skinny Cambo did it."

"Uhhh..."

"Are we friends?"

"Sorry asshole, guess we ain't friends! Fuck your shot!"

I mean really, wouldn't it be better to save that shit? Rather than having someone take it, and immediately throw it up?

So back to the pool hall.

We drank, we played pool, I lost, I got pissed off... 😡 Apparently everyone in the world is a pool shark, except me.

Random thought, anyone browse the BodyBuilding forum? Specifically, the Misc. section? Hilarious shit!

I paid my tab, took a piss, and went outside to wrap up the night... By watching Tall Cambo smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in five minutes. The only thing on my mind was, Jack In The Box or McDonald's.

We were standing there in a rough triangle. As best a triangle, three drunk dudes can form. Just stumbling around and laughing.

Then some asshole decides to squeeze by all three of us. Trying to prevent conflict, I say to Skinny Cambo,

"Hey, watch out behind you."

The Asshole turns to me.

"Watch out behind ME? Why I got to watch out behind me? 😐"

I know exactly where this is headed, and I'm in no mood for stupid shit. I'm drunk, not stupid.

This asshole looks like he can toss around a weight, or two. Probably uses the BodyBuilding forum to check out cool lifts, just like me.

I play it cool,

"No man, my friend was gonna bump into you. I told him to watch out."

"Why you telling me to watch out behind me? Why I gotta watch out behind me?"

Someone is looking for a fight.

I take a few steps back,

"No dude, I wasn't talking to you."

Tall Cambo comes in and throws his arms around The Asshole. Trying to hug it out... Except it didn't work. The Asshole throws Tall Cambo's arm off,

"Get the fuck off me!"

Tall Cambo is now pissed,

"What the fuck is your problem, huh!? 👿"

And now the fun starts.

The Asshole gets a running start then pushes the fuck out of Tall Cambo. It was actually... Kind of funny. Because he went fucking FLYING, and landed flat on the ground. After the fight, I kept cracking up at that mental image... I'm an asshole 😎.

I immediately went into full road-rage mode, I pushed back. But a damn girl got in my way. I had a Red Bull in my hands that I could have thrown, but I fucking dropped it.

Suddenly a huge crowd appears and separates everyone.

"What the fuck? Move! Let me punch that mother fucker!"

I was laser focused, I wanted my fists to fucking hit something good. But randoms keep getting between me, and The Asshole.

Tall Cambo recovers, then got back up. There was a Red Bull in his back pocket that fucking exploded like a bomb. Must have been a rough landing.

Hehehehe!

It's two on one now, bitch.

Now if only all these stupid fuckers would go away. Then came the FaceBook live-streaming, overly white, soy boy... Trying to record everything.

"Yo! Wassup! We are at fucking Billiards, and its going down DAWG! We got some Asians fighting! What a fucking Friday night!"

I saw the overload of soy before me. And I felt very embarrassed for my generation.

"Dude, put the fucking phone away. Fucking faggot."

"Nah bro, I'm live streaming!"

The Asshole was trying to get to his car. Wait! I got to at least get in one sucker punch before you go!

That is, until the bouncer showed up.

You know, how sometimes... You can take one look at someone, and know in your heart there is zero chance you'd even put a dent in the mother fucker?

Yeah.

The Asshole? I can take on. But this mammoth of a bouncer? Nah bro.

Me? I'm not mad. I wasn't mad at all! Haha! I was just trying to return some lunch money I owed. That's all! Have a nice day, sir! See ya! 😅

In the back, I can hear one of those fags scream out,

"Hey! I don't know if its in your Asian culture, or what. But you don't need to fight each other."

Hey, thanks for being so multi-cultural... Not.

After seeing this gorilla-ape of a bouncer, I knew it was time to call it quits. I turn back to find Tall Cambo, but instead, I see this fine ass girl. She was wearing this tight yellow dress... Tits, ass... Everything!

She was perfect!

And she was trying to calm Tall Cambo down. Lucky son of a bitch!

Tall Cambo throws his jacket off, then pops the trunk of his car. I knew exactly what this crazy asshole was going for, it is serious now.

I run over and shut the trunk,

"Let's get the fuck out of here, this is no joke. Let's go!"

Somehow during the scuffle for the gun, The Asshole made it out. I saw a nice-looking, newer Jeep pull up.

And the passenger window opens.

"Great, we gonna have a drive-by now?"

It's our friend, The Asshole. He was screaming something at us, but I couldn't hear a damn word.

I say good-bye to my new friend,

"Hey, see you again soon! Stupid bitch!"

And just like that, it's over.

You might wondering, where was Skinny Cambo during all this? And I will tell you... On the sidelines, shaking... Like one of those skinny wiener dogs.

Fin.

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