Crazy Old White Guy

It's been a while since I had an interesting story happen BEFORE the drinking even started.

Well...

I did kind of have a beer... Before driving. 😀

So I guess, technically, the drinking had already begun.

Anyways, I made it to the girlfriend's condo in one piece. Because if I didn't, you probably wouldn't have anything to read right now!

As I drove in, I noticed some old guy walking around the entrance in the dark. That's... Uh... Weird...?

"Shouldn't this old fart be at home, knitting a sweater or something? Better stay out of my way, or I'mma run his old ass over."

So I drove around the bend, cruising gently over all the speed bumps.

There we go, found the perfect visitor spot!

I look in my mirror and there's that old guy again, he's walking right towards me. Okay? What the hell does this guy want? Whatever, I ignore his ass. I don't care what he wants.

I'm just trying to back into my spot. But this crazy, old, white guy was just standing there in front of my truck... Just... Staring... At... Me.

Is he admiring my truck?

I shot back a smile/nod, and got nothing.

Okay! This old fart definitely wants to start something. As soon as I park my shit, I'm going to get out and get to the bottom of this.

I jump out of my truck.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"Who am I? Well, who the hell are YOU?"

 "I'm *Insert Name*, and just what are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting someone."

"Are you visiting someone that lives here?"

"Well... I'm in a visitor spot, and I just said I was visiting someone. What do you think?"

"Who are you visiting, and where do they live."

"Who am I visiting, and where do they live? Okay, let me tell you... It's none of your damn business!"

"You were acting strange, we will get your truck towed within 24-hours."

So me driving in, and backing up into a visitor spot is "strange".

Let me translate that for you, he was actually saying, it was strange why I wasn't white in a predominantly white neighborhood.

"So you want to tow my truck?"

And he replies with a smirk,

"Yes, within 24-hours."

"I'd love to see you try."

"Ohoho, we don't have to try. The H.O.A. will tow your truck!"

"Go for it!"

Then the old guy starts getting a little quivery,

"Okay then..."

"Whatever, I'm outta here. You can stand here and watch my truck!"

I start walking to my girl's condo, and he's following me. I stop and look back at him...

"I'm not following you."

I just stand there and stare.

"I live over here, I'm not following you."

"Good, you better not be fucking following me..."

"I'm going to talk to the H.O.A tomorro..."

Okay, now I'm pissed. I cut his ass off,

"I'M PARKED IN A FUCKING VISITOR SPOT, I CAN'T FUCKING VISIT SOMEONE!?"

Now I've gone done it again, I made the old guy butt hurt.

"You know what? Fuck you!"


"No, fuck YOU!"

Then the old fart just throws his middle fingers up in the air, like a fucking 10-year old.

"Fuck youUuUuUuU!"

"Oh yeah? You want to do something about it?" 

I throw my bags on the ground.

"No."

"That's what I thought!"

"You know what? OMG! Like really, FUCK YOU!"

"Fuck you old man, get the fuck back inside!"

I was born and raised in America, bitch. I'll get into a yelling match, any day of the week! The old fart just threw his middle fingers up in the air again, and walked away.

As my new friend went home, I left him with some nice parting words.

"Fucking old piece of shit!"

The twist to this story is, after that piece of shit went back to his place. I realized that the old fart lives directly across from my girl.

So that fucking retard has seen me plenty of times.

Was he senile, or just acting like a...? Probably just being a bitch.

I noticed that a majority of those who live at this complex, are very - Special.

About a year ago, I was helping my girlfriend's mom with her driving test. Don't ask me why... I have no idea why it took so long either.

I was outside doing the classic hand maneuvers that most people can comprehend at first glance, and understand the situation.

"This dude is helping someone back their shit up."

So it was just an old Asian lady, practicing her driving maneuvers in a damn Toyota Camry.

Two of the most none threatening things in the world, next to puppies and cotton candy. Except for the guy standing behind, or in front of the car.

...And someone called the cops.

For an old Asian lady.

In a Camry.

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