Stop Making Out At Restaurants

It was Saturday night, and I was feeling tired.

...Yet very thirsty.

So where do you go, when you "want to get drunk, but nothing too wild..."

The answer is Apple Bee's.

I was barely, halfway through my first mojito when a young couple got sat behind us.

This is only the 20-billionth time that I've seen a couple, like, eat each other's face out while everyone is causally trying to finish dinner.

I don't have very high hopes, I could just tell by looking at these two that they're degenerates. I noticed that, they were seated side-by-side. Yep... It's over.

The classic exhibitionist position.

You are in a damn Apple Bee's, not McDonalds, not Lovers, or Wal-Mart. Okay? There are little kids here, with their parents, trying to wolf down some Four-Cheese Mac N' Cheese. We don't need a live-action, soft-core porno playing in the background.

I need a drink.

"Excuse me, waitress? Give me something to end this nightmare."


"Whatever it is, make it a double."

Seriously, why do trashy people feel the need to demonstrate their love... Everywhere.

After some time, they decided to come up for air. The young fellow was going to try impressing this lady with a little drinking.

"I would like to have a Jack Henny please."

I would love to see them drink that shit. I eagerly wait for the waitress!

The girl gives it the first sip.




"Oh God, that was strong!"


Then our hero steps in and chokes just as bad.


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