Rating Escort Profiles #1

"Hello and allow me to introduce myself, Giselle Marie-Experienced Sugar Dating/Companion/Confidante.

I prefer and am best suited to the company of well mannered/generous/respectful Gentleman, I cater to suitors who know what they want from life and with whom they spend leisure time.

I respond promptly to complete and legitimate email/texts/calls."

 

Basically, she wants a loser with low esteem and too much cash floating around. And sugar dating? Is that really a thing?

 

"My Rate is $600 hr"

 

First of all, holy shit. 600 DOLLARS for an hour!? I expected some stunner in the pictures, but what I saw was my neighbor cat-lady... who likes watering flowers all day. Come on. Along with everything else going up in price, is pussy affected by inflation too!?

So... for what is probably 2 weeks pay for most people, you can fuck a grossly overconfident 4 out of 10.

And there are legit models who charge less than that.

 

"Must Include introduction as well as ALL Simple but Specific info pertaining to booking and Nessacary for Screening/Verification.

 

I don't know if this chick means what I think she means. But an introduction is where you pay... to go out... for coffee and talk about...? Stocks? Life? The wart on my ass, which kinda hurts?

Listen bruh, if you are so desperate for female attention that you would pay just to chat... work on that fucking low self esteem first. Unless you are a hideous mother fucker, any flaw in personality or social skills can be ironed out.

Because who needs who here. Can she survive without your money? Nope. Can you survive without her energy, passion, and extravagant personality? Yep.

 

"Safety and discretion are priority, I do NOT make exceptions with my Personal Safety. I am Never available last minute as my time, as well as availability is Limited."

 

Safety is pretty important, there are some real weirdos out there.

Must be nice getting paid to fuck off all day, then call that being "too busy". When people with real careers are stuck for 8-10 hours a day at their self imposed prisons.

And that is not even counting the actual being paid to fuck part. Shit, if I could do that, I'd be the happiest person around. Getting paid to fuck women who may not be the prettiest, but for $600, I could lower my standards a little... or a lot.

So maybe she is too busy fucking to be bothered with your bullshit. I mean, two hours of work is $1200. If she is THAT busy, then we got a fucking multi-millionaire right here.


"Full of life and energy, always bubbly our first meeting is sure to be only the start…and leave a lasting impression/ease some stress and leave you with only good vibes.

Please scroll all the way to the end and read booking/rate and etiquete info before contacting.

Traveling and meeting new people, experiences and adventure are what I live for!

I love making new friends, experiences, making connections…intelligent and meaningful in depth conversations are just icing!

Reading, Fitness, Nutrition, Painting, Art are some of my favorite hobbies, I enjoy spending time with family…especially preparing and enjoying a meal."

 

Sounds like a nice cushy life you got there.

Travel... travel... travel... why does every chick say the same thing. I mean, the least you could do is not copy what every Tinder bitch puts on their bio. It's like, think about it, who doesn't like a vacation? I'm sure you love being at work, but do you love it that much? No, no one does. So saying you like to travel and have fun is like saying you like to breathe air. It's like mother fucking DUH!

 

"I love to cook for other people, the history channel and National Geographic Are my favorite for background noise or entertaiment.

Outdoor hiking adventures, or a few hours in the arboretum always make for an amazing afternoon and theraputic relaxing time.

I do a lot of “urban hiking” and love when I get to do some actual hiking in nature!"

 

Very cushy.

Not only do we have rich people who are disconnected from reality, we also got hookers being just as spoiled and disconnected! Must be nice living in a bubble of happiness, rainbows, and butterflies. 

Not for this guy! I get to live in a plain gray metal box.

 

"The shooting range and tennis are my favorites when I’m not in the mood for the gym or Pilates, voluntering is one of my favorite and best use of any free time I ever get to stay positive and productive."

 

You definitely should be in the mood for the gym more. But the shooting range? That is pretty cool. 

And I did not realize until I copied and pasted her shit, just how bad her spelling was. There are misspellings all over all her sugar glazed, extra creamy profile. 

+1

There.

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