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Lost In Seattle

My bro, Mini Pacquiao and I were out hunting.

We got the bling and the Calvin Klein cologne sprayed on so thick... You'd swear we were glowing. But nah, that's just my CK's Seduction, bitch.

We loaded up on the Hen, bought a ticket just to fucking park, then called an Uber.

It's game time.

We watched random girls, as they walked by. Made faces at them, talking shit, just a good time.

Like a pack of wild monkeys, but, who's to judge.

I can't remember what club we went to. It must have been good, if I can't remember! It has to be, the Rhino Room. I'm sure.

The club wasn't the fun part, anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was having one of those nights, where, I just wasn't feeling it. Even shots couldn't get me in the party mood. So, my night sucked.

As I was leaving the club, I look at my phone. Shit! It's almost dead.

Bro, how is your phone? I'm gonna turn mine off. It's gonna die and we gotta Uber back.

"Nah,…

Jack In The Box Girl Pt. 2

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So, my gamble did NOT pay off. Luckily, it was just a Benjamin.

Not a huge loss, just unfortunate.

Several months later, a random number texted me.
"Hey, honey! How you been, long time no see."

...Who the fuck, is this!?

"It's Crystal."

...Oh.

"My stripper cousin is here, wanna have a threesome?"

Its 3AM and I was drunk as fuck. Oh, fuck yeah.

I've always wanted to have a threesome. :(
She started off, pretty good. Sounded horny as fuck. She wanted me to come to their hotel, but, she needed a little help with some bills. Only like -- $700. Could I pleasseeeeee help a girl, in need.

HAHAH!... AHAHAH!

Stop yanking my chain, y'all bitches. That was funny.

She was dead serious, SEVEN HUNDRED to fuck a ratchet, well loosened pussy.

FUCK YOUR SHIT.

You think that pussy is made of gold? I better pull my shit out and see it covered in diamonds.

Or at least, get a sandwich... After.

Long story short, I said hell NAW!

She lowered her price to $400. S…

Jack In The Box Girl

My daily ritual: wake up, take a shit, take a shot, go to work, buy shitty food from any place still open, eat, sleep, rave, repeat.

One of the places I frequent most, is, Jack In The Box.

Cause it's close to my house.

But, REALLY, it's cause there is usually a cute Mexican chick, working the drive-thru.

And I'm desperate.
Not just desperate, but, very desperate.

She Was Aggressive

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Remember that one story, where my friend's girl was slutting around, then I was like, "cut that bitch off," like KCamp. All while, our universally unhelpful lady friend decided, the best option was to talk about feelings??

Feelings!? Pffffffffft. This isn't the Sisterhood Of The Traveling WHATEVER... or Twilight.
Well, that night had a lot more going, though, like most things in my life. It ended up being forcibly ripped out of my hands, right as I was getting to the center of that Tootsie Pop.

That sounded dirty.
I arrived at our bar/club in a big bunch, one of the girls I came with brought two mafia looking "body guards". It was one of those, "uhhhhh, okay?" kind of moments.

Sluts be sluts. Enough about her.

Back to me.

So I was rocking a fresh outfit, gold watch, two chains (just kidding, I'm not that cool) and other good shit. I topped everything off, with a chinstrap.

Besides the drama that unfolded before my eyes.

While I was sitting at t…

The Official News

What is the purpose of this blog?

No purpose, really.

I come from the time when assholes roamed the Earth, where the weak got dunked into your nearest and shittiest toilet.

When nerds aspired to be the assholes. Then get the girl... And go on to pick on the new generation of dweebs.

What I'm saying is, it's okay to go out and get drunk. Go out and be a man for the night.

See those fine chicks over there...? 

Tell them they got nice tits.

Come back here, and share with me your cool stories!