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First Time In California

I'm gonna attempt to do blogging, right.

That means, I'm actually gonna blog. AND remember to take pictures... This time.

I had no idea, how I managed to avoid going to Cali for 27 years.

27 years!

You can avoid having sex for 27 years... Easy. But avoid Cali-fucking-fornia for that long?

That takes dedication.

Especially when you live my lifestyle.

Today is August 16, 2018. And I have finally left my coop. Washington is about a 2 hour flight away.

I am in Santa Ana, staying at the La Quinta hotel. My home base of operations, for the week. While I execute my mission... For the truth.

The extreme legends... Tall-tales that are out of this world, of this mysterious land.

...I have come to find an answer.

Are California girls, really THAT pretty?

I have spent my time, hard-earned money, and traveled a great distance. To answer this question.

If the average girl at home, is about a 4-out-of-10.

The average here is, 6-out-of-10.

...Respectable.

Sometimes I feel like, I'm seeing Kyl…

The Monkey Girl

This is a kind of funny, random story.

On Halloween night, a couple years ago.

My co-worker and I, decided to hit the clubs, after work. After all, it was Halloween. So were we really, JUST gonna go home?

FUCK NO.

To the club!

The night was going pretty good, everybody was in costume. We weren't... But the consensus was to just fuck it. So you knew it was lit!

So I was dancing around, as usual. Scoping out for any hot girls, in my immediate vicinity.

I saw an Asian girl, in a monkey suit.

At the time, I remember looking at her and going... Monkey suit, eh? Meh, lazy-ass costume.

And here we were, in our work clothes! The stylish, casual attiremonster.

Thinking back, it was actually pretty funny looking.

Out of the corner, of my eye. I spot a pretty hot Asian girl, squeezing between me and the monkey girl.

I quickly look, to see how big her tits were... But I missed it. Fuck.

The monkey girl, turned around and slapped HER on the ass. And turned back, pretending like nothing happened…

Someone Hit The Lambo Pt. 2

As you already know, someone hit the Lambo.

I was stuck with a... huge-ass bill.
Left with no other choice, I begrudgingly, whipped out my American Express...

Fuck you, just take my money.

And that was it.
I walked away.

My insurance company, who I had partially initiated a claim with, kept calling for days. Just itching, to jack up my rates.

I blockedthose assholes.

A few days go by, as I mourn the loss of my $3000... plus tax.

Then it hit me.

Like a fat shit, from those fucking birds. It landed on me, like it does to all my cars. But... Amid the mess of black and white, half eaten worms, and shitty-shit... A light bulb?

American Express, has rental insurance.

It was a dimly lit, shimmer of hope.

...Of escape.

...Of getting my damned money back.

I knew they probably meant rentals, as in, the cheap cars you buy in bulk. Like at Costco.

Cars... Which the rental companies buy, 20 at a time, to rent out to people like you and I.

Not Lamborghini's.

So I go to where I can, conceptualize…

Someone Hit The Lambo

I was minding my own business, driving the ultimate douche machine.
And yeah.
Someone hit my brand new, Lamborghini Huracan, and FUCKING ran.
People always say that... Asians cannot drive. But guess what, I'm Asian. And every time I have EVER been hit... Guess what? They weren't Asian.
I have only been in 3 accidents, so far.
More is on the way. If I can't rein in this uncontrollable road rage. But this isn't about me.
They were all, not my fault. And the stingy-ass-hat insurance people, agree. Meaning... those assholes all hit ME.
None of them Asian.
Same story this time. The one time, you know. With a Lambo.
Some assholes in a beat up, silver SUV or van looking thing. Hit MY Lambo. 
And... the good news? 
...It actually isn't mine.
So... WHOOPS! Sorry rental company! Hahahaha! It was THEIR bad.
I was at a red light, and they were in the lane to my left. 
Waiting for the green... To execute a well-coordinated, beautifully crafted, LEFT
They changed their mind. Tri…

Lost In Seattle Pt. 2

Continued from, Part 1.

After waiting for what seemed like, a fucking eternity. Our talkative driver, fucking finally, made it back to the car.

Now... whether we get raped or not. This is it.

This is the moment.

Reggae Beanie, turned the key. The old and very silver (Honda) Civic, came to life...

I was bracing for the knock-out gas, ready to kick a door open. Maybe smash some windows with my BARE hands.

I'm so scared!

...Someone hold me!

Okay... what's going on!? We're moving.

I'm on to you... Beanie.

Don't think, I've let my guard down. I got my eye on YOU and your ridiculouslyoversized accessories.

I still wonder what is in that purse. Will a giant spider mosy out and say hello, by, biting me on the eyeball?

9 out of 10 doctors, would say yes.
I do not like spiders and I REALLY... do not... like the hippi-verse, that, Pacquiao happily got us into. I'm just going to perform a precautionary ass clench.

I hate you Pacquiao.
Beanie reached for the radio.…