Posts

The #ThotAudit

The hipsters are on fire!

Since when, has it ever been okay... NOT to pay your taxes, with sole reason being, you were being "brave" by fingering your asshole online?

I mean, tell me.

I'm honestly all ears.

All these pussy-whipped, and straight up pathetic excuses for adult men; are jumping in to defend these bitches.

So I have pay over 30K a year in taxes.

And they don't?

Because?

So we are defending them, why? Is it because we're dealing with the under-privileged here? It is because they're orphans trying to make a buck? Or is it because they're:

...Lesbian?

...Trannies?

...Poor?

...Women?

...Not paying taxes?

...Making free income doing the easiest job on the planet?

Oh I get it, it's all of it.

You're all coming in with a jab - Stating that,

"It's not a problem, bro!"
Because these assholes, the ones all pissed off and angry for no reason. They're just lonely, pissed-off virgins.

"They're just mad cause they can'…

You Are Pretty Fucking Crazy

You ever meet someone who seem pretty normal... At first?
Then they start telling you stories  that seem a little - out there.
But not enough for you to straight up be like,
"Hey, you are pretty fucking crazy."
Then they continue,
And...
Sweet mother of God!
We got ourselves a certified serial-killer/cult-leader/child-rapist/Star Bucks tip-jar-stealer!

A fellow prisoner at work was telling me how he burnt away all his benefits due to a severe case of I-Don't-Give-A-Fuckititis. 
Which wasn't out of the ordinary, people here are lazy as hell.
So I listened, and pretended to care.

"Aww man, I'm so sorry to hear that! Hope you get better, okay?"
You can stop talking to me now.
Then it evolved into stories about this special blood, that made him immune to diseases.

 "Oh wow, that's amazing! You should get studied." 
I suggested, doing the right thing. And sacrificing himself to cure the world.

Of his retardation.

Unfortunately, anyone that come…

Working At McDonalds

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I started as a cashier...

At McDonalds.

I firmly believe that all these ungrateful, punk-ass kids nowadays... Should have mandatory shitty-fast-food-restaurant duty.

Not only does it build character, getting yelled at by a fat lady with 8.25 kids. She also came with enough auxiliary storage under her stomach-flaps to store:

...Exactly $12,450.89 in spare change.

...Five McDoubles with: no cheese, no onion, Mac sauce, extra salt, extra pickle, no mustard, a shit-ton ketchup, ranch, dijon mustard and two packets of mayonnaise on the side.

"And that's just for one sandwich, for the second one, I want..."
Hang on lady.

Let me hang myself with this tie, first.

Not only do you get that. But you also get to experience what real life is.

Outside of fucking Maple Story and RuneScape.

And does it suck.

I had a manager, her name was Betty. She was the female-equivalent to your slightly drugged out friend... Who is stuck in a perpetual state of almost fu…

Turned Away Because Of Your Outfit

"Oh, well... You can keep being poor, cause I'm not interviewing you."
You might as well tell'em to fuck right on off.

See those rock over there?

Go kick some...

Just cut to the chase, and say what you REALLY wanted to say.

"We don't hire no Mexicans hurrr, we don't like yo kind round herrr."
I'm not poor.

In fact, I probably make over double what this manager bitch makes.

Listen, next time you wanna turn someone down for some bullshit reason.

Learn a thing or two from my company. Make up some shit, any stupid shit will do. So you don't sound fucking retarded.

"Oh, sorry you're not qualified."
"Hey, I'm sorry. But we already got some asshole for the position."
Well manager bitch... Keep on bitching.

The fact that your restaurant has been around for 100 years, does speak for itself.

Yes, asshole PR representative. It really does mean a lot. It means you fuckers cater to racist, pretentious, garbage... Like manager bitch.

And …

The Stripper That Won't Take No

We snuck in some shots...

Those little mini bottles.

They surprisingly, pack quite the punch.

One or two, and I'm feeling good! Three or four? Forget about it.

It's over.

Sitting on my right, is Fairy. To my left... Dumb Ass. Why Dumb Ass?

Well...
We all have THAT friend.
And Dumb Ass, is THAT friend.

The three of us made it rain, last week. Even gave the waitress a Washington Shower. It was great fun.

This one waitress kept trying to twerk... Aannndddd I see why she is a waitress.

Everyone should show more love for our waitresses... I mean, really. 

They get minimal attention, and the really fun job of cleaning up after everyone's done. And who knows what they do about the backroom... Nasty.

I was there, as usual, just trying to have a good time.

...Being a unrepentant drunk.
Hey, it's her again!

I saw the same waitress, from last time! She was on all fours, getting that stage squeaky clean.

Lucky as she is, to be in the presence of such sexiness, I contemplated letting h…