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You Are Pretty Fucking Crazy

You ever meet someone who seem pretty normal... At first?
Then they start telling you stories  that seem a little - out there.
But not enough for you to straight up be like,
"Hey, you are pretty fucking crazy."
Then they continue,
And...
Sweet mother of God!
We got ourselves a certified serial-killer/cult-leader/child-rapist/Star Bucks tip-jar-stealer!

A fellow prisoner at work was telling me how he burnt away all his benefits due to a severe case of I-Don't-Give-A-Fuckititis. 
Which wasn't out of the ordinary, people here are lazy as hell.
So I listened, and pretended to care.

"Aww man, I'm so sorry to hear that! Hope you get better, okay?"
You can stop talking to me now.
Then it evolved into stories about this special blood, that made him immune to diseases.

 "Oh wow, that's amazing! You should get studied." 
I suggested, doing the right thing. And sacrificing himself to cure the world.

Of his retardation.

Unfortunately, anyone that come…

Working At McDonalds

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I started as a cashier...

At McDonalds.

I firmly believe that all these ungrateful, punk-ass kids nowadays... Should have mandatory shitty-fast-food-restaurant duty.

Not only does it build character, getting yelled at by a fat lady with 8.25 kids. She also came with enough auxiliary storage under her stomach-flaps to store:

...Exactly $12,450.89 in spare change.

...Five McDoubles with: no cheese, no onion, Mac sauce, extra salt, extra pickle, no mustard, a shit-ton ketchup, ranch, dijon mustard and two packets of mayonnaise on the side.

"And that's just for one sandwich, for the second one, I want..."
Hang on lady.

Let me hang myself with this tie, first.

Not only do you get that. But you also get to experience what real life is.

Outside of fucking Maple Story and RuneScape.

And does it suck.

I had a manager, her name was Betty. She was the female-equivalent to your slightly drugged out friend... Who is stuck in a perpetual state of almost fu…

The Stripper That Won't Take No

We snuck in some shots...

Those little mini bottles.

They surprisingly, pack quite the punch.

One or two, and I'm feeling good! Three or four? Forget about it.

It's over.

Sitting on my right, is Fairy. To my left... Dumb Ass. Why Dumb Ass?

Well...
We all have THAT friend.
And Dumb Ass, is THAT friend.

The three of us made it rain, last week. Even gave the waitress a Washington Shower. It was great fun.

This one waitress kept trying to twerk... Aannndddd I see why she is a waitress.

Everyone should show more love for our waitresses... I mean, really. 

They get minimal attention, and the really fun job of cleaning up after everyone's done. And who knows what they do about the backroom... Nasty.

I was there, as usual, just trying to have a good time.

...Being a unrepentant drunk.
Hey, it's her again!

I saw the same waitress, from last time! She was on all fours, getting that stage squeaky clean.

Lucky as she is, to be in the presence of such sexiness, I contemplated letting …

First Time In California

I'm gonna attempt to do blogging, right.

That means, I'm actually gonna blog. AND remember to take pictures... This time.

I had no idea, how I managed to avoid going to Cali for 27 years.

27 years!

You can avoid having sex for 27 years... Easy. But avoid Cali-fucking-fornia for that long?

That takes dedication.

Especially when you live my lifestyle.

Today is August 16, 2018. And I have finally left my coop. Washington is about a 2 hour flight away.

I am in Santa Ana, staying at the La Quinta hotel. My home base of operations, for the week. While I execute my mission... For the truth.

The extreme legends... Tall-tales that are out of this world, of this mysterious land.

...I have come to find an answer.

Are California girls, really THAT pretty?

I have spent my time, hard-earned money, and traveled a great distance. To answer this question.

If the average girl at home, is about a 4-out-of-10.

The average here is, 6-out-of-10.

...Respectable.

Sometimes I feel like, I'm seeing Kyl…

The Monkey Girl

This is a kind of funny, random story.

On Halloween night, a couple years ago.

My co-worker and I, decided to hit the clubs, after work. After all, it was Halloween. So were we really, JUST gonna go home?

FUCK NO.

To the club!

The night was going pretty good, everybody was in costume. We weren't... But the consensus was to just fuck it. So you knew it was lit!

So I was dancing around, as usual. Scoping out for any hot girls, in my immediate vicinity.

I saw an Asian girl, in a monkey suit.

At the time, I remember looking at her and going... Monkey suit, eh? Meh, lazy-ass costume.

And here we were, in our work clothes! The stylish, casual attiremonster.

Thinking back, it was actually pretty funny looking.

Out of the corner, of my eye. I spot a pretty hot Asian girl, squeezing between me and the monkey girl.

I quickly look, to see how big her tits were... But I missed it. Fuck.

The monkey girl, turned around and slapped HER on the ass. And turned back, pretending like nothing happened…