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Getting Bitches In 2019

I have a girlfriend, which might surprise some of you.

Free pussy.

That is right.

But there's really nothing free about it because... Nothing that involves pussy is ever free.

You will pay: financially, emotionally, physically spiritually, chronologically.

You WILL pay.

And I'm probably going to be single again in the not too distant future.

Back in the day, I really respected women. I was shy, quiet, and excessively introverted. I was one of those who would say,

"Hey she isn't a bitch, she's a lady!"
I would be proud to have a beautiful lady, whom, I could treat like a princess! Work hard all day, and come home to her beautiful smile. Nothing else! I want to spend every free moment with my love. Give her everything because she is worth every penny.

Now I feel disgusted even thinking those words.

A bald, mother-fucker once told me,

"You've got to be an asshole. Bitches love assholes, just don't give a fuck about them. Be an asshole..."
The w…

Females In 2018

Correction - the title should have said, SLUTS in 2018.

So it is the year 2018.

Or at least I hope so.

Hopefully, I will read this again in 40 years and be wrong. And laugh - To just have a good, hearty belly-laugh,

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Har! Har!"
*Fart*

Yes, that was quite good.

I don't know if I'm getting old, or if my ego is changing my perception of the people around me.

But females, especially the under 30 crowd.

And ESPECIALLY the 18-23 range.

I'm gonna sum everything up with the following sentence:

"Money, over bitches."
Sluts nowadays are so extra.

You know?

Loud, kinda stupid, in your face, zero respect, talks hella shit, acts like they're tough... Yet very insecure and sensitive.

...Poor you.

Reaching my late 20's, I've seen more grown-ass WOMEN acting like they're 12 than I'd like to admit.

Growing up, girls were supposed to be the mature ones... Because they mature faster than your punk-ass. They will blossom into beautiful young w…

I Just Saw A Gucci Ad

It was a long advertisement, like fucking five minutes?

Two obviously, ahem... Not vagina-friendly individuals were...?

What in the fuck?

They look like fucking clowns.

So this advertisement is trying to tell me to use the "beauty of nature" to inspire your art? I think? Maybe... I'm not sure.

And now your floating in the water, wearing a dress, and are those pearls on your eyeball?

Is it supposed to be some kind sexual innuendo?

Oh now we're picking some flowers, very delicately. The hat makes you look like a Teletubbie, but I digress.

It's fashion.

...Now humping some air, and dancing around?

...I didn't know flowers played EDM

...Cool, we are riding together on a motorcycle.

How cute.

Oh! You know!? I think I get it, we are supposed to feel the tingle of how in-tune you are with your art. How forward thinking you are!

I Fought The LGBT Movement

Here we are,

Again...

I'mdrunk. And outside the house, somewhere.

Then one of those asshole friends of mine was all like,

"Hey Leo, you want a shot?"
 I replied,

"No, I'm good."
"Well that's fucking gay..."
An outraged, disembodied voice screams back,

"You got a problem with gay people?"
Andy spits back,

"Fuck you, I wasn't even talking to you."
Hey, what a coincidence! This is starting to remind me of that one night at the strip club. Except this time, we have an easily offended twink yelling at us.

How come everything reminds of that stripper bitch? Maybe I'm just scarred.

"No fuck YOU, you discriminating bigot! All you cis-males are the same!"
I tried ordering some popcorn from the bartenders, but they ignored me... It's okay, thanks for saving me money. No tips fah u! ASSHOLES.

But I was confused, what in the world is a cis-male? I've never heard that term before.

Cis?

Sis?

Mail?

So I walked bac…

Bitch Threatened To Beat You Up

How low have we come as a fucking male species.

I mean seriously.


How low did y'all go.

I'm about to do another drunk post, this is real talk fellas.

Tonight I went out with a couple coworkers: one is a original gangster, the other is a liberal.

Need I say more?

Now notice the differences.

...Both were talking to this one chick.

She was white with a "I-wanna-be-a-gangster-bitch" attitude, looked like a stoner but wasn't chill... And all at the same time. You know... I don't know, I'm confused.

She just looked like a bitch.

Done.


The OG got hit with some trash talk, but she pulled a quick reversal,

"Oh no, OMG. Just kidding! No really doe, whatchu doing round these parts."
I guess she was digging the gangster. She explained how we're in her hood, and shit like that... Sure... Guess she's trying to say she's a bad bitch.

I didn't know living in a rich, white neighborhood was JUST like living in the projects!

Now, that other asshole…