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So I Joined SeekingArrangements

Some people would say, I don't respect women.

And some people, would be right as fuck.

One night, I had a couple shots and had an awesome idea!

Trying to get free pussy from Tinder wasn't working, so let's flip the cards. And no, I don't mean go L.G.B.T.L.M.A.O. Whatever.

Let's pretend to be a sugar daddy!

So during my Tinder days, I would try to find these "matches" right? And when I finally did, I'd shoot a couple messages,

"Hey, I love your *Insert bullshit* they look great on you. How are you?"
Start off with the same, old bullshit. It usually goes nowhere as you would quickly run out of shit to say.

A funny thing about Tinder is, I'd ask the bitch out and she would say no. So? What exactly was the point of all that chatter?

I only met one girl off Tinder.

And she was crazy.

The bitches from Tinder can be categorized into the following: crazy, ego-boosters, fat/ugly, and the catfish.

If you got a dink, and you're on Tinder... Be…

I Fought The LGBT Movement

Here we are,

Again...

I'mdrunk. And outside the house, somewhere.

Then one of those asshole friends of mine was all like,

"Hey Leo, you want a shot?"
 I replied,

"No, I'm good."
"Well that's fucking gay..."
An outraged, disembodied voice screams back,

"You got a problem with gay people?"
Andy spits back,

"Fuck you, I wasn't even talking to you."
Hey, what a coincidence! This is starting to remind me of that one night at the strip club. Except this time, we have an easily offended twink yelling at us.

How come everything reminds of that stripper bitch? Maybe I'm just scarred.

"No fuck YOU, you discriminating bigot! All you cis-males are the same!"
I tried ordering some popcorn from the bartenders, but they ignored me... It's okay, thanks for saving me money. No tips fah u! ASSHOLES.

But I was confused, what in the world is a cis-male? I've never heard that term before.

Cis?

Sis?

Mail?

So I walked bac…

Bitch Threatened To Beat You Up

How low have we come as a fucking male species.

I mean seriously.


How low did y'all go.

I'm about to do another drunk post, this is real talk fellas.

Tonight I went out with a couple coworkers: one is a original gangster, the other is a liberal.

Need I say more?

Now notice the differences.

...Both were talking to this one chick.

She was white with a "I-wanna-be-a-gangster-bitch" attitude, looked like a stoner but wasn't chill... And all at the same time. You know... I don't know, I'm confused.

She just looked like a bitch.

Done.


The OG got hit with some trash talk, but she pulled a quick reversal,

"Oh no, OMG. Just kidding! No really doe, whatchu doing round these parts."
I guess she was digging the gangster. She explained how we're in her hood, and shit like that... Sure... Guess she's trying to say she's a bad bitch.

I didn't know living in a rich, white neighborhood was JUST like living in the projects!

Now, that other asshole…

You Are Pretty Fucking Crazy

You ever meet someone who seem pretty normal... At first?
Then they start telling you stories  that seem a little - out there.
But not enough for you to straight up be like,
"Hey, you are pretty fucking crazy."
Then they continue,
And...
Sweet mother of God!
We got ourselves a certified serial-killer/cult-leader/child-rapist/Star Bucks tip-jar-stealer!

A fellow prisoner at work was telling me how he burnt away all his benefits due to a severe case of I-Don't-Give-A-Fuckititis. 
Which wasn't out of the ordinary, people here are lazy as hell.
So I listened, and pretended to care.

"Aww man, I'm so sorry to hear that! Hope you get better, okay?"
You can stop talking to me now.
Then it evolved into stories about this special blood, that made him immune to diseases.

 "Oh wow, that's amazing! You should get studied." 
I suggested, doing the right thing. And sacrificing himself to cure the world.

Of his retardation.

Unfortunately, anyone that come…

Working At McDonalds

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I started as a cashier...

At McDonalds.

I firmly believe that all these ungrateful, punk-ass kids nowadays... Should have mandatory shitty-fast-food-restaurant duty.

Not only does it build character, getting yelled at by a fat lady with 8.25 kids. She also came with enough auxiliary storage under her stomach-flaps to store:

...Exactly $12,450.89 in spare change.

...Five McDoubles with: no cheese, no onion, Mac sauce, extra salt, extra pickle, no mustard, a shit-ton ketchup, ranch, dijon mustard and two packets of mayonnaise on the side.

"And that's just for one sandwich, for the second one, I want..."
Hang on lady.

Let me hang myself with this tie, first.

Not only do you get that. But you also get to experience what real life is.

Outside of fucking Maple Story and RuneScape.

And does it suck.

I had a manager, her name was Betty. She was the female-equivalent to your slightly drugged out friend... Who is stuck in a perpetual state of almost fu…